part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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