Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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