A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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