So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
