her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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