You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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