Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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