the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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