Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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