I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
