My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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