dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
