You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
