party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
