Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
