Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
