he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
