Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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