Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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