This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
