If i come over, it means nothing
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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