I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
