there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
