I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
