I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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