Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
