I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize