my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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