I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
