My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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