Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
