Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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