Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
