I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
