Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
