there's paper in my vomit.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize