Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Never let your siblings swipe right.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
