I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
