someone threw a dead crab at me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
