i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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