I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
