Already got asked if we're dating
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
