I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
