'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
