Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
