I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
