This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
