I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
