So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
