Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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