I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
