I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
