what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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