So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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