He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize