it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
