bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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