I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
