WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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