So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
