We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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