So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize