i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
