If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Vodka?
Forever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
