GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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