Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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