pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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