Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
