im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
