I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
