she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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