how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
