Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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