Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
